An Introduction to Midsummer for Heathens
The Summer Solstice will be upon us soon. June 21st (in the Northern hemisphere). Midsummer is one of the most important holy days in Heathenry. The time of year when the great sun goddess, Sunna, rides her great chariot to the highest she can manage. When the sun shines upon the Earth like no other time.
During this time, many people from all over the world would celebrate the summer solstice, being the longest day of the year. This was a time of merriment, celebration, trade, prosperity, and for Vikings, a time for raiding.
Hallmarks of 2015 for Pagans
As we wrap up 2015, it’s important to think of what has been accomplished and what more needs to be done. While pagans are still a pretty small, religious minority, it is indisputable that our numbers are growing along with our influence in public life.
Since the beginning of the Neopagan movement in the 1950’s (along with more ancient traditions dating back to Medieval Times), pagan and occult practices have been limited to small (and mostly secretive) gatherings.
But now as public religious acceptance grows, these gatherings are becoming less secretive and more public. In fact, we have seen things happen in 2015, that have not occurred in hundreds – and perhaps even a thousand years.
In the beginning of this year, Scotland saw its first gay, Pagan wedding.
Then plans were announced in Iceland to build the first temple to the Norse Gods since the Viking Ages.
Meanwhile, the U.K. announced the creation of a druid college.
In April, Northern Ireland certified its first pagan priest since the time of St. Patrick. Ironically, the name of the pagan man himself is Patrick. Who says the Gods don’t have a sense of humor?
Another big story in April was when a Wiccan Priestess was invited to give the opening invocation before the Iowa State Legislature.
Then in October, the Cascadia Grove of Ár nDraíocht Féin outlined plans to build a shrine to Cernunnos, God of liminality, commerce and the forest.
In terms of other big news, the U.S. Supreme Court made gay marriage legal nation wide this June.
And of course, last but not least, the metal heads of this blog will be mourning the loss of the metal god and legend Lemmy Kilmister of Motorhead who recently passed. I realized since I wrote my last article, that I shouldn’t say RIP, because I can’t really see Lemmy sitting around quietly for too long. It’s more likely that he’ll be rocking out with the gods in Valhalla and writing some of the best damned metal anyone ever heard with Dio.
So this new years raise a glass in toast for all the good, bad, and ugly that happened this year. And let’s hope to make 2016 even more exciting and eventful than 2015.
Druidic Grove Needs Help In Building Shrine to Cernunnos
The Cascadia Grove of Ár nDraíocht Féin: A Druid Fellowship (ADF) is looking to build a shrine to Cernunnos, God of liminality, commerce and the forest. This will be at the beautiful White Mountain Druid Sanctuary in Trout Lake, Washington state.
(This is an artistic rendition of the proposed Cernunnos shrine)
White Mountain Druid Sanctuary is created and owned by Kirk Thomas, the Arch Druid of ADF. On the Sanctuary’s property, he has already completed three shrines, a massive Stone Circle, and a Labyrinth. The three other shrines include Dagda, The Morrigan and Lugh.
There is also a Bed and Breakfast (Trout Lake Abbey) on the property. People can reserve an individual room, a bed in the hostel, or places to camp and pitch a tent.
White Mountain Druid Sanctuary is one of the few places in the country that has recreated an environment that we think may be similar to what the ancient druids worshiped in (at least based on what we know). They are interested in creating a place to worship in the spirit of the old Indo-European spirituality, and connect with the Gods and Goddesses, our ancestors and nature.
Northern Ireland Certifies Its First Pagan Priest Since Time of St. Patrick
(Patrick Carberry: Source: Belfast Media Group)
I truly believe the Gods have a since of humor. For the first time in centuries, Northern Ireland has allowed Patrick Carberry, a shamanic healer and a pagan priest to be certified by authorities. It was a man by the name of “Patrick” who was famous for bringing Ireland under the Christian fold (even though there were Christian missionaries in Ireland before St. Patrick) and now it is another “Patrick” who is paving the way for the ancient religion to reclaim official recognition. Ironic? Is it not?
Patrick Carberry, who is based in Glengormley, applied to Stormont five months ago to be certified as a holy man. Officials have finally got back to him with the news that he can now carry out religious ceremonies for people who follow Irish pre-Christian religions.
Patrick has been attacked in the past for his beliefs. It is his hope that bringing official recognition to the pagan religion will help it to become more socially acceptable.
“I am the very first pagan priest in Northern Ireland and it’s a big milestone because until now Stormont has point blankly refused to recognize paganism,” he said.
“In 2009 I set up a church called the Order of the Golden River but the members and I agreed to keep it underground because the people were afraid of being targeted.”
Apparently this fear is well founded. Patrick was assaulted at a small outlet he opened in the Park Centre last September. But he says he’s now happy to announce he is a full-time priest in the pagan religion, now that he has official recognition.
“I’m not in the slightest bit bothered. I am a full-time pagan priest and it’s as simple as that. That’s what I do. Other people have jobs and do their paganism outside of that but I am the same level as any priest or reverend and I have now been recognized as such.”
Patrick said the Order of the Golden River deserves to be respected along with other religions.
“Now we are officially recognized as a church and it comes down to the fact it’s the first time paganism has been officially recognized since Saint Patrick came here and did away with all the pagans and made the whole place Christian. This is the first time pagans have had the opportunity to officially celebrate their beliefs.
“We are a pagan order which believes everyone has the right to live and have their own faith without fear. We were underground but at a meeting the Order members agreed to speak out about our faith and stand up for our beliefs. We are happy to explain our faith to anyone who asks because our aim is to dispel all the misinformation which people have about paganism.”
Patrick says he can now perform weddings in full compliance with the law.
“I can marry people in stone circles or ancient woodlands. It really is a milestone for Northern Ireland and a great day for pagans.”
PATRICK’S ROLE AS A CELTIC SHAMAN
Patrick describes himself as a traditional Celtic Shaman who aims to live as close to nature and the old ways as possible. While he practices mainly in Ireland and the U.K, on his website he states that it is his goal to help people on an international level connect to the spirit world. He provides shamanic healing, Shamanic Healing, Energy Healing, Energy Balancing, Angel Healing, Shamanic Readings, Soul Readings, Holistic Massage, Animal Communicator and Animal Healing.
THE ORDER OF THE GOLDEN RIVER
The Order of the Golden River (of which Silent Oak is a trading name) is a pagan order which believes that everyone has the right to live and have their own faith without fear. Set up in 2009 the Order have been practicing its faith in private. The members have had to remain anonymous to protect their families from harm because of their beliefs. At a meeting in January 2015 the Order members agreed to speak out about their faith and stand up for their beliefs, they will explain their faith to anyone who asks, their aim is to expel all the misinformation which people have about paganism.
Order of the Golden River Website
Order of the Golden River Facebook
The Mind Body Spirit Center in Belfast
Happy All Snakes Day!
St.Patrick’s Day has become one of those holidays that no one understands, but everyone likes to celebrate (just like Cinco De Mayo and Mardi Gras). After all, it’s a great excuse to get wasted, kiss Irish people, wear your best green shirt and pinch people. However, for those in the Pagan community – especially for those who are Celtic Pagans – the holiday has less lighthearted undertones.
St. Patrick’s claim to fame is that he “drove the snakes from Ireland.” Now of course, there were no snakes in Ireland. So this phrase is a euphemism. What it really means is that he is the person who drove the druids from Ireland, since snakes were a sacred symbol that many druids had tattooed to their arms.
Ironically, this patron saint of Ireland isn’t even Irish. Patrick was a 5th century Romano-British missionary and bishop who came to Ireland to preach Christianity. According to the Confessio of Patrick, he was captured from his homeland in Britain and taken to Ireland as a slave where he lived for six years before escaping and returning to his family. Later, when he became a cleric, he returned to the land of his capture to spread the Christian religion.
However, it has been argued that Patrick’s conversion of Ireland is a highly exaggerated affair. There were Christian missionaries in Ireland long before Patrick arrived, and the druid culture existed in Ireland centuries after Patrick died (on March 17th). Many aspects of the pagan culture in Ireland even blended into Christianity over time: holidays, holy wells, and even Gods were absorbed into the Christian tradition and called saints.
Whether Patrick’s conversion of Ireland is exaggerated or not, I still have a problem with dedicating a holiday to this man. I have a problem with celebrating a figure who is famed for driving the druids out of Ireland, so I will not celebrate his name.
Some also suggest that the institution of “St Patrick’s Day” was an attempt by Christians to replace the Pagan celebration of the Spring Equinox.
So I agree with many others when they say that we should instead call this day “All Snakes Day.” Hail the Irish Druids! Hail the holy symbol of the snake, a creature of healing and power! I will take today to celebrate my own Irish heritage and welcome the coming spring with open arms. I will take today to cherish the connection of my ancestors with Ireland’s ancient druidic culture.
Saint Patrick, Druids, Snakes, and Popular Myths (Patheos)
Saint Patrick and the Druids (Sacred Texts)
Snakes and Bladders: Celebrating All Snakes Day (The Pagan Pope)
Druid College in U.K. is born!
2015 has been an exciting year for Pagans so far, and we’re only in February! First it gets announced that Iceland is buildings its first temple to the Norse God to be erected in 1,000 years. Now a U.K. branch of the Druid College has been born. The other sister college is in the U.S. in Maine. (I personally would love to see one in every state).
The Druid College’s goal is to cultivate priests of Nature. They are dedicated to
- to Earth-centered spirituality
- to the integrity of our natural home
- to the crafting of sacred relationship
The foundations for this life long journey are established by three years of study. Unlike contemporary universities, Druid studies are furthered not only by personal reflection but primarily by ongoing personal connection and spiritual guidance of (i.e., apprenticeship to) a Druid Priest.
What does being a priest mean to the Druid College? Here is what the website says: “Being a priest of nature does not mean being an intermediary, but instead living a life in service, crafting a sacred relationship with the land, the ancestors and the gods. It requires service to the community as well as the land, wherein the priest acts as guide, witness or celebrant to a journey or journeys of crafting sacred relationship.”
While one can learn about druidry anywhere, the college itself has a specific focus on cultivating people who can perform service to the land and community. Given that human beings currently have a very dysfunctional relationship with their environment, the college stresses that priests of nature are needed more now than ever.
NOTE: The Druid College is not an accredited college. It’s not a place where you would go to get a degree. They use the word “college” in an earlier sense to describe the place as a center of learning.
Big News – Druid College UK is born! (Witches and Pagans, 2-6-15)
Iceland to Build First Temple to Norse Gods Since Viking Age
ORIGINAL ARTICLE (More Information Here)
Ásatrúarfélagið website (The group for which the temple is being built)
For the first time in 1,000 years, a temple to the Norse Gods will be built in Iceland. Most pagans these days tend to worship in each other’s houses or outside somewhere, since our numbers are pretty low. So this will definitely be a historic landmark for Iceland – if not for the whole Pagan community in general.
Icelanders will soon be able to publicly worship at a shrine to Thor, Odin and Frigg with construction starting this month on the island’s first major temple to the Norse gods since the Viking age.
While the number of Norse Pagans is small in Iceland, the rate of growth itself is pretty large. The number has tripled in the last decade. So it makes sense that a temple will be built to accommodate this growing community.
This temple will be a place where weddings, funerals and initiation rites will take place.
After 1,000 years of oppression the old ways will re-emerge once again.
Amon Amarth – Thousand Years of Oppression
Poetry for the Returning Sun
We are currently in the middle of winter (those of us in the Northern Hemisphere) and we are just days away from Imbolc, the time when the first signs of spring begin to appear in nature.
The Difficulties of Following a Nature Based Faith in Winter and Some Ideas
A big part of being Pagan (and Druid) is connecting to Nature. Therefore, the winter time can be problematic for those who have a nature based faith. (Of course for those of you living in a tropical climate, you can ignore this post and come back if I ever decide to talk about hurricane/monsoon season).
Yes there are the winter festivals, such as Yule and Imbolc, but you must admit that it’s hard communing with the spirits of the Earth when you have ice falling on your head, slush in your boots, your toes losing feeling, and a scarf wrapped tightly around your face in an effort to keep out the elements. Now nature can definitely be very beautiful in the winter. The phrase “winter wonderland” doesn’t exist by accident. Sure, the landscape looks like it has been blanketed with a bed of white velvet and the naked trees appear to be glistening with fairy dust. Yet the moment you step outside to appreciate this beauty, you might have second thoughts upon feeling the minus zero gusts of wind burning in your face. You may decide that such beauty is better appreciated inside, from behind a window, where you can wear your your pajamas, drink hot chocolate and crank up the heat.
The other problem with the winter is that the days are short, and Seasonal Affective Disorder (appropriately named SAD) is rife.
So what to do? Here are some thoughts:
- Focus on your human relationships: Have you noticed how some of the best holidays take place near the winter time? Whether you celebrate Yule, Christmas, or Alban Arthan, much of these holidays have a focus on connecting with family and friends. In the ancient times, when it was important to huddle together near the fire for warmth, winter was the ideal time to literally get closer to those you care about, enjoy good mead, and try to generate as much inner warmth as possible in order to negate the outer cold surrounding you.
- Bring some Hygge into your life: Who knows how to deal with the winter cold and darkness better than our Scandinavian buddies up north? They’ve invented a cultural concept called “Hygge.” While we don’t have a direct translation of the word in English, it is a general concept that connotes “coziness,” particularly when relaxing with good friends or loved ones and while enjoying good food. When loved ones sit close together on a cold rainy night, that is a true moment of hygge.
- Reach out to the needy: Not everyone gets to have food, shelter and warmth in the cold winter months. This is a good time to donate jackets, gloves and scarves to the needy, or volunteer to feed the homeless at a hypothermia shelter. Winter is a good time to show your love for your fellow man.
- Grow indoor plants: Need some suggestions? Click here. If you can’t go outdoors and enjoy nature, than perhaps it is time to bring nature to you.
- Build upon your altar: Many pagans and those of other Earth based spiritualities have an altar, or some kind of totem that reminds them of their connection to the Divine. When you feel like this connection is fracturing because of time trapped indoors, then maybe it’s time to add onto your altar. You don’t have to spend a million dollars or break the bank. You can put some plants around it, maybe draw some pictures, get some candles at the dollar store, bust out the arts and crafts, or even some place some fake flowers around if you don’t want to deal with dead plants. (I’ll admit that I’ve done this)
- Reflect upon death: Okay, this sounds morbid. You don’t need to hang a bunch of goat skulls around your living room and drink blood out of a goblet (although that would make for a cool Watain video). What I’m saying is that the Pagan faith is one that is inclusive of all cycles in life – including death. If the seasons represent the cycle of life, they represent the following: spring (birth and newness), summer (marriage, lust, the peak of health), autumn (old age, harvest, bringing something to completion) and winter (death). Therefore, this may be a good time to reflect upon your ancestors, those who have died, what they brought to your life when they were alive, and what kind of legacy you’ll leave behind to your kin when you die.
- Finally, enjoy hibernation: Hibernating is natural. Other animals do it. So if you are really concerned about living a natural life, perhaps you should take a cue from our distant cousins in the animal kingdom. Staying indoors, keeping cozy, and fattening up a little (don’t over do it) might not be such a bad thing. Drink some warm mead (or hot chocolate for the sober), enjoy good company, and most important, stay warm!
United Kingdom’s First Gay, Pagan Wedding Held in Scotland
Cue the soundtrack of Billy Idol’s “It’s a nice day for a white wedding,” and replace that with, “It’s a nice day for a Gaaay Wedding!”
I would like to send forth a major congratulations to Tom Lanting, 34, and Iain Robertson, 39, who were the first two to have both a gay and pagan wedding in Scotland. The couple has been together for 12 years, but has just recently tied the knot. Since they both describe themselves as hedge witches, they had a ceremony where they casted a circle, invoked the elements, handfasted (which involves tying the hands together), shared mead and jumped the broom.
After Sunday’s wedding, the couple said: “As hedge witches we always wanted to have a pagan marriage ceremony in line with our beliefs and it was really important to us to be able to share this ceremony with our friends and family.”
Scotland is the only part of the U.K. to allow pagans and other religious minorities to solemnise legal weddings.
Louise Park, the presiding officer for the Pagan Federation (Scotland), conducted the ceremony. She said: “Equality for people of all faiths is something that is very dear to the vast majority of pagans.”
Hopefully we see more of this kind of thing in the future to come for Scotland.
BILLY IDOL – “WHITE WEDDING”
Since I mentioned it I might as well post it. Not metal, but a bit of cheesy 80’s magic.
New Asatru Site for Dating and Romance
Attention Heathens, Asatru and Vikings of the internet. You will no longer have to raid the nearest settlement to find an adequate wench or knave to warm your bed this winter. There is a new dating site that has started up to help members of the Asatru community connect with one another and hopefully find romance – or lust – or a good time – or at least some pictures of guys with cool beards to look at.
The site is very new indeed. When I did a search for all the women in the world between 18-90, I only came up with 33 lasses total. (Apparently 90 is the age limit for this site, I guess after 90 you were supposed to die valiantly in battle instead of languishing around, getting older and eating up social security checks). If you are looking for a man, prospects are somewhat better. There are about 100 men on the site so far – another reminder that the world of Asatru can sometimes be a sausage fest. But that’s okay, if everyone on the site is okay with each woman having 3 men to herself, I’m sure everything will be just fine!
(Okay…this date actually looks a little awkward…)
Those in the United States will get the best odds, as most of the people I found were U.S. locals. For the rest, you could always try your luck putting together a ship, a crew, and making your way across the ocean as Leif Ericson did long ago (or do something far less epic, like just buying a plane ticket or sit around waiting for the invention of teleportation devices).
When you build your profile, you are given the typical dating site options: are you seeking male or female, are you divorced, single in an open relationship, etc. You are also required to answer questions such as your sense of humor, your interest in shows, whether you smoke, drink and all that other good stuff.
(“What do you mean you don’t like Cannibal Corpse? Sorry. We’re gonna have to see other people.”)
My main criticism is that the profile options need to give you a blank field where you can write in your own response if the preexisting responses don’t apply. For example, you can only be interested in males or females. But what about someone on the site who is bisexual? I actually do have a few bisexual heathen friends, so they would be a bit put off by this restriction. You can also only list a male or female gender, but what if someone identifies as a different gender orientation than either of those options? Also, the site requires you to list your exact location, down to the city you live in. I feel that some people would want to retain more privacy than that. Therefore, they should have an option that allows you to leave the option blank.
Yet with criticisms aside, I know that the site is very new, so they probably have quite a few quirks and kinks to work out. But I think it is a good idea that this site is attempting to do such a thing. It shows that the Asatru community is indeed growing and becoming more recognized. There is also an option to add blogs, classifieds and events, even though this hasn’t been utilized very much yet. It will be interesting to see where this site goes.
(“You mean you also enjoy crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you and hearing the lamentations of their women? You’re a keeper!”)
A 1,300 Year Old, Egyptian Book of Spells Has Been Deciphered
Egyptian Handbook of Spells Deciphered (Live Science)
Order the Coptic Handbook of Ritual Power
How did the Egyptians in the 8th century A.D. cast a love spell, exorcise a demon or subjugate their enemies? A recently translated codex reveals 27 different spells that were combined for form a “single instrument of religious power.” The book was written in the Coptic language, an adaptation of Greek script, at a time when many Egyptians were Christians. In fact, the book contains many invocations that refer to Jesus Christ.
What is interesting is that several of the invocations seem to originate from a group who called themselves “Sethians.” This was a group that flourished in Egypt during the early centuries of Christianity. They held Seth, who they believed to be the third son of Adam and Eve, in high regard. One invocation refers to Seth as the living Christ.
What is interesting is that before Christianity came to Egypt, Seth was one of the chief Gods of Upper Egypt. He was a desert God of war and strength. (He was also demonized in other parts of Egypt).
This Sethian Cult eventually died out, but it is interesting to see how Pagan ideas and Christianity were blended together in the early days of Christianity.
I think some of the articles about this topic are misleading however, because they call the book an “Ancient Egyptian” book of spells. Since this codex was written in the Christian and Islamic Era, I would hardly say that it was “Ancient History.” I’d be more likely to call it Medieval History.
The Fastest Growing World Religion – None
Oh no! According to this video, the fastest growing religion in the world is “no religion.” 1 in 5 American adults have no religion and this trend is growing quickly among internet savvy Millennials. This surely means that everyone is now going to throw morality out the window, and much like the citizens of Sodom and Gomorrah, we’re gonna start having sex with rocks, raping angels and having gay orgies with the Anti-Christ! The horror the horror!
I mean, isn’t that what life was like before Judeo-Christian religion ever existed, didn’t people just rape babies and cannibalize each other left and right? I mean, there certainly weren’t tolerant, sophisticated pre-christian civilizations in the world like Egypt, Rome, or China – am I right?
Hopefully you understand that so far, this post has been very sarcastic, although much of what I mentioned above about Sodom would make cool content for a metal video.
EDUCATED PEOPLE ARE BECOMING LESS RELIGIOUS
But yes, it appears that all around the world, in the areas where people have more access to the internet and education, they are becoming less religious. Yet the lack of “religion” doesn’t mean that people aren’t spiritual. Even several of the atheists I know take solace in practices like meditation and yoga.
Yes, I did make a post a while ago about how Paganism had one of the fastest rates of growth out of all the religions in America. Yet Paganism is still a very small minority, 0.3% of the population. In terms of rapidly growing religions with a large following, the religious “nones” are quickly booming.
So as I mentioned above, much of this development is because of education. Now that we live in a world where information about a plethora of religions and philosophies are available at the click of a button, people have a greater ability to think for themselves about what they think the truth is. The internet is also helping to bring people together at an ideological level. Before the internet, people were limited to their geography if they wanted to become part of a community, and of course, the central social network in most communities is the church. Many atheists felt isolated from a religious point of view. Yet now many of these atheists have found a sense of community among like minded non-believers on the internet.
THE WORLD THAT EXISTED BEFORE THERE WAS “ONE CORRECT RELIGION”
Is the decrease of religion a bad thing? Does this spell out the moral decline of civilization as we know it? As I sarcastically mentioned earlier, many of the world’s most advanced civilizations existed before the spread of Christianity and did quite well for themselves. If anything, the growth of non-religion will simply take us back to the natural order of things. Monotheistic religion was splinter, a minor aberration in the scheme of time. Why do you think that Pagan holidays such as Easter and Christmas persisted, even as Christianity was shoved down people’s throats at the edge of a sword? Why do you think ideas like hell had to be invented to keep people religious? If religion is so appealing, why do people have to be scared into it? It’s because it is an unnatural system with laws that are not consistent with the laws of nature.
Pagan ideologies were diverse, and they certainly weren’t perfect. But they were the natural outgrowth of a people’s spiritual connection to their surroundings and culture. Paganism represented man’s attempt to live alongside the laws of nature. People revered Gods who were strong, and represented ideals of survival and health. Today’s “religious nones” are not pagan, but as they learn more about science and the natural world, they will hopefully use rational thought and debate to come up with a moral system that exists closer to Natural Law, and represent more realistic ideas about the environment and human sexuality. Nature is the weed and religion is a manicured garden. You can use all the pesticide you want, but at the end of the day Nature and her followers will always win out.
The ancient world was a much more spiritually diverse and tolerant place than the world we live in today. I’m not saying that the ancient world was a nice place. Don’t get me wrong, it was a very brutal place in a lot of ways. The Romans killed a large number of Druids to subdue the Celtic resistance. Leaders like Augustus and Tiberius Caesar were also weary about the cultural influence of Eastern Religions – such as the Cult of Isis in Rome. Yet despite the fact that some ideas were preferred over others, people had the freedom to worship their own Gods as long as they followed the law and paid homage to the emperor.
In a debate about the morality of religion, it has also been brought up that people can develop a framework of values without having a religion that carves such values into stone. For example, the Chinese have followed Confucianism as a key moral ideology of their society for 2,000 years, and while Confucianism promotes good character and social order, it is not a religion.
NOT ONLY CAN YOU BE MORAL WITHOUT RELIGION
BUT RELIGION ITSELF MAY ACTUALLY BE VERY IMMORAL
Is religion dangerous? I think so. Is religion immoral? I think so. If you watched the video above, one person states that the number one book that convinces people to become atheists (even more so than any work by Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens) is the bible. It’s a book replete with genocide, rape, sexism, racism, homophobia, incest, pedophilia, and the celebration of slavery. Here are some wholesome verses for the whole family:
COMMIT A GENOCIDE OF THOSE WHO DON’T SHARE YOUR RELIGION:
“This is what the Lord Almighty says… ‘Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’” (1 Samuel 15:3)
…but what about “thou shalt not kill? ” Now I’m confused.
GO MURDER A BABY:
“Happy is he who repays you for what you have done to us – he who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.” (Psalm 137:9)
…yes, because a merciful and just God glorifies the death of babies.
TIME TO GANG RAPE A HOE:
“So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight. When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine, fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold. He said to her, ‘Get up; let’s go.’ But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home.” (Judges 19:25-28)
…ah yes, good old gang rape, that’s some quality family values right there.
GOD SPARED ABRAHAM’S SON BECAUSE HE IS MERCIFUL, BUT FUCK JEPHTHAH’S DAUGHTER:
“And Jephthah made a vow to the Lord, and said, ‘If you will give the Ammonites into my hand, then whoever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return victorious from the Ammonites, shall be the Lord’s, to be offered up by me as a burnt-offering.’ Then Jephthah came to his home at Mizpah; and there was his daughter coming out to meet him with timbrels and with dancing. She was his only child; he had no son or daughter except her. When he saw her, he tore his clothes, and said, ‘Alas, my daughter! You have brought me very low; you have become the cause of great trouble to me. For I have opened my mouth to the Lord, and I cannot take back my vow.’” (Judges 11:30-1, 34-5)
…So God was nice enough to prevent Abraham from killing his son, but I guess the life of a man’s daughter is less important. I mean, women aren’t people – at least not in the bible.
SLAVES, SUBIMIT TO YOUR MASTERS!:
“Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the cruel.” (1 Peter 2:18)
…Good old fashioned slavery.
ONE PROPHET, TWO BEARS AND 42 DEAD BOYS:
23 Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!” 24 When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number. (2 Kings 2:23-25)
…My personal favorite, this must be the original Goldilocks story.
You see, I’m one of those people who read the bible cover to cover. In fact, I didn’t do so as some atheist looking for a good source of snark. I actually did this back when I was still a Catholic. I was looking for answers and hoping to improve my faith. Instead, reading the bible and going to church are probably two of the greatest catalysts for my loss of faith. I ended up finding much more solace in Edith Hamilton’s mythology.
Thus, my read through of the bible made me realize that most Christians must not read the entire bible. Because surely this book of peace, love and wisdom that they discussed was not the same book that I was reading. And if they did read the whole bible, cover to cover, they must have done a triple back flip in mental gymnastics to assure themselves that the parts about not touching pig skin (a foot ball), or eating seafood, or marrying your rapist were simply metaphor, but the parts about gay sex were literal law.
Therefore, after reading the bible, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not only a silly book, but that anyone who truly follows its commands – down to the last letter – must not be a good person. A man named A.J. Jacobs tried one year of living biblically and even wrote about it. Yet the truth is that it was impossible for him to truly do everything the bible commanded. There is even one humorous part where he tries throwing rocks at people he sees as being guilty for sin.
Honestly, most people I know who follow a religion, even the very conservative ones, are ultimately picking and choosing which verses they are going to follow. What makes them pick what is a good verse and what is a bad one? They are ultimately using their own logic, rather than doing everything the bible says. Therefore, if they are going to use their own logic anyways, they might as well just create their own spirituality at the end of the day, instead of half heartedly following one they don’t entirely agree with.
You see, Religion is just an ideology like any other. Yet here is the difference. Most ideologies open themselves up to room for debate. Ideologies like politics, education, and philosophy can be subjected to the scrutiny of reason, so that they can be improved or altered to produce the best possible results. Even in China, a place where Confucianism was a key framework of morality, there was always the dialectic between Legalism, Confucianism and Taoism.
Yet Religion is different because it is an ideology backed up by a powerful Sky Daddy. It is not allowed to be debated, scrutinized or changed because it is a set of laws written in stone. Such an ideology can support the most murderous of intentions, and no one is allowed to disagree or else they are branded a “heretic.” It is no small wonder that the Roman Empire fell apart after its conversion to Christianity. Without the freedom to question who was in charge, and why things were being done in a certain way, the empire fell into a state of ignorance and decay.
As Christopher Hitchens once stated in a debate, it wasn’t the crusades that halted the power of Christianity, it wasn’t the bloody Reformation that brought about the deaths of millions, and it wasn’t the slaughter of indigenous people in the new world. What halted the power of Christianity was when the Christian nations finally controlled a majority of the planet in 1914. What was the result? Two world wars and a total destruction of the environment. Suffice it to say, people are not impressed, and now the influence of Christianity at a world stage is beginning to fade.
So am I scared of a world that is becoming less religious? No. I am hopeful. I am hopeful that there will be more chance for people to discover their own spiritualities, and find the best way of living through rational debate, rather than superstition and fear.
THE SONG FROM THE VIDEO ABOVE:
SCORPION FROG – BY INFECTED MUSHROOM
I don’t usually post techno/dubstep, but this song was catchy.
Former Christian Minister Leaves Christianity and Starts Atheist Church (Alternet, 11-6-14)
A Pagan Off The Grid Community – Desert Moon Spiritual Center
Desert Moon Spiritual Center Website
As people think about different ways of living on – or with this planet – some people decide to go off and live in their own self sustaining communities (as a traffic hating resident of the fast paced U.S. East Coast, I’ve thought about it multiple times). I was on a Pagan Facebook group the other day when I bumped into one of the founders of Desert Moon Spiritual Center, which is a self sustaining community for Pagans in the Rio Grande Valley of Texas that is currently looking for more residents. So I decided to chat with her about what life is like in this community, and she was kind enough to allow me to put this information on Metal-Gaia for anyone else who may be interested.
DISCLAIMER: I have not been to this community or met anyone there in person. If you decide to apply to this place, get references, visit first with a friend, be safe, don’t be dumb. Metal-Gaia is not responsible for your decisions. Just supplying information here.
Okay. Now that my legal butt is covered, allow me to provide the interview.
What is Desert Moon Spiritual Center?
Our motto is Live…. Play….. Follow your path…… Live here by becoming a colonist. Play here by camping or using a retreat cabin. Follow your path by using the metaphysical canter and 3 ritual areas. We are a Pagan based living colony, metaphysical and spiritual center. We also run a full animal rescue and sanctuary. We are NOT a commune, think more gated community. Located in the beautiful Rio Grande Valley near El Paso Texas. Offering gorgeous mountain views and wonderful weather. Peaceful and tranquil environment not far off the interstate. Paved roads and easy access to the property. We are limited to only 15 cabins for residency. We are a newly developed community and still growing. We will be adding meditation gardens, workshops, animal corrals, food gardens, community use kitchen and smoke house. Plus shower and laundry house with full showers and baths with flushing toilets.
What are the Spiritual Areas like?
There is a Ritual and meeting area being constructed upon a foothill overlooking the valley. Private and discreet. Can practice as you want with no fear of judgments.
Tell me about the landscape:
The land is FULL of vegetation and life. Mesquite trees take up most of the landscape. We also have desert sage and salt brush. Right after a rain the wild flowers bloom and the landscape is transformed with blotches of color. Bright yellow flowers on the mesquite trees attract countless hummingbirds. Doves and quail pass through daily. We have Javalinas on the property as well. These are small wild pigs about the size of a medium dog. Falcons buzz threw the air just over head. While turkey vultures circle way up in the sky. We have people that come from all over the world to bird watch in the area. Countless fence lizards and horny toads are everywhere. Yes we have snakes too. The majority of the snakes we have here are harmless. Bull snakes and King snakes help keep the area clear of mice, kangaroo mice and other small critters. At night you can hear the coyotes howling in the distance. The weather is beautiful. Summers are hot but no humidity. So you don’t have the health related issues from heat. Even days when it is hot around 95 degrees as long as there is a wind we could actually have a wind chill factor. Winters are mild and easy, very little snow. But when we do get it, it is gone shortly after.
What are the cabins like? How much do they cost?
We are leasing cabins for residency. All cabins will have to be outfitted with solar/wind power and composting toilets. Running water will be available for each cabin. Cabins can be customized to suit your needs. As we grow we will also be offering retreat cabins for weekend or weekly rental. Primitive camping is also available for a single night to 30 days.
Standard cabin is 12’x32’ Double lofted with a front porch for $400 a month. We have bigger and smaller cabins to suit your needs. The cabins are refabricated cabins that meet all US building and hurricane codes. The cabins come empty. This allows you to design the cabin to suit your needs and what you want your home to be. So if the tile or carpet or wood flooring is what you want. The paneling or drywall and colors are up to you., the layout can suit your specific needs. So no two cabins will be the same. There is A LOT of room in cabin this size. If you look up tiny house living you can see just how great these small houses can be! But you’re not just leasing the cabin. You will get the entire ranch and all the facilities once they are up and running.
How did Desert Moon Spiritual Center get started? What was the inspiration?
We bought our first 45 acres to accommodate the animal rescue and sanctuary we have on the property. We are a state licensed no kill nonprofit rescue. We wanted to rent out 2 cabins to homesteaders that would be willing to take care of the animals so we could after 10 years go up and visit family back north. But the only people we could find in the homesteading circles were right wing Christian nut jobs that wanted to put in a watch tower bunker and stock pile ammo to start a revolution against the government. Or people that wanted to start a missionary training camp, that is NOT the type of people we wanted here. [Side note from Metal Gaia: The fact that these kinds of people are so readily available is a little scary]
Our daughter had had suggested renting only to pagans. Since we wanted like minded people. So I posted a inquiry in a pagan Facebook group and in 24 hours I got 85 responses for information. So we were overwhelmed and not sure what to do. So I went for a walk to find the back property marker. It took me over 2 hours to find the markers over a mile back. As I climbed up the mountain foot hill in the back section of the property. I got to the top and thought, “wow this would be great for a ritual area.” It looks over the entire valley. As I turned and looked over the valley at our property the entire colony showed its self to me. I could see the cabins and gardens. The community center and workshops just appeared.
I came down and went to Marcia and talked to her about what I saw. I said the only problem was the majority of the community was not on our land. It was sprawled between three plots. But those other plots had been sold. We thought well maybe we need to find another piece of land. So we called the land developer the next day and they told us the two plots next to us where repossessed the day before. So we were the first people to know they were for sale again. So we pounced. Now we have a total of 135 acres. We were victims of gay hate crime in Iowa. So we had talked about it and wrote down our ideal place to live. Some parts we kept, others we threw out. The main goal is to create a pagan only community where pagans of different paths can come live a simpler honest life. Raise animals for food fiber and grow good. Live life and raise their families their way. To live without fear of judgment and discrimination. We are only 3 months from concept to now. So we are new and still growing. But Simpler doesn’t mean going without. We are not asking people to live like pioneers in the 1700s. We have almost all the modern day amenities just a nice country setting
Do you know if there are any other communities doing something similar?
There are other communities out there. But NONE operate the way we do. We are NOT a commune. We are NOT an “eco-village” that trains you how to be more ecofriendly. We operate off a lease. Each resident has to have an approved application (light back ground check and sex offenders’ check. But not a credit checks. We believe your more than a number) and a signed lease. So you have rights as well as we do. There are a list of Bylaws that the entire colony must follow, including ourselves. There is a system in place for what happens when a Bylaw is broken. So you cannot be kicked out just because you disagree with someone or someone doesn’t like something about you, like in any commune situation. We have full time residency cabins. We are here to help you transition to your new lifestyle. We are not here for you to take a workshop or class to go and use those skills elsewhere.
Do many of the people in the community still have jobs, or is it possible to live there without needing to work?
It depends on your situation. We people that are on disability/retired and that can make their lease payments. But for others they may need to work to ensure they can make their lease payments. The nearest city for work is El Paso Texas. Its about a 45 min drive straight down the interstate. It’s where my wife goes for work every day. So there is the option of carpooling as well.
Do people have crafts that they make to help pay for the lease of their cabins?
We have arts and craft items that we make to support the colony and make improvements to the property. We currently offer bracelets with charms, key chains, prayer beads, kitchen witch items, stone necklaces and something called Desert Moonite Rock Guardians. The stone necklaces are made from stones found at the ranch and wire wrapped by hand and blessed under the full moon. The Moonites are rocks that I ask to come to me to be guardians. Think of a spiritual pet rock if you will. I look at the rocks bring out their personalities and come in various sizes. Can be put in Gardens, kitchens, desks or pockets. But as far as doing crafts and items to barter or trade for the lease no.
Does anyone cultivate food for a living?
We have just started and I am hoping next year that we can sell eggs and vegetables at the local farmers market. But by raising your own meat and growing your own food and canning your food you reduces your cost of living and expenses. Not to mention its healthier.
What is the Pagan Community like there? Is it mostly one group, or do you have more eclectic groups of Pagans such as Heathens, Wiccans, Druids, etc.
Most paths are welcome. All earth based paths are welcomed. We have Druids, Wiccans, Heathens and others that have approved applications. The only thing we have decided as a Board is we do not want any dark arts. And we believe that Satanist are a subset of Christianity so they do not qualify. I know a lot of people do not agree with this philosophy and that’s fine everyone is entitled to their opinions. I am not going to argue the decision the board has made.
Do you guys get together on the key Sabbaths and have a big celebration, or does everyone mainly do their own thing?
Even though I am ordained it is not about following my path. It’s about helping you follow yours. So those that want to gather together can and those who want to go solo can. So we are putting in 3 different ritual areas so there would be options for different paths to celebrate on the same days and times. We are however only putting in one community center. So that will be rotated threw the different paths and who needs the space. We also will be allowing Sky Clad events as long as they are scheduled and approved ahead of time. This way these events can be posted and those with children can be aware. Its all about respect.
What are some of the advantages to living in an all Pagan community?
One of the biggest things we hear is that “I can’t be myself.” “I can’t tell people I am pagan a witch or a druid. I can’t wear my pentacle and robes. No one understands me.” Well here you can wear what you want and know its okay. You’re not going to get bullied or put down because of it. There is positive reinforcement here. We will not tolerate any hate speech, writing or any kind of discrimination will be cause for removal from the colony. No not everyone is going to get along all time. But at the same time we all must learn to tolerate each other’s differences.
Would you accept an applicant who isn’t pagan, but is moving there with their pagan spouse?
At least one adult person has to be pagan. If there is a spouse or significant other who is not pagan that is fine as long as they are pagan friendly. Our biggest issue we will have is if we have a pagan and a Christian/Jew/Muslim/whatever where the other person is not supportive or is constantly trying to shove their religion in other people’s faces. That is a violation of the Bylaws and cause for removal. Trust and tolerance and safety above all.
I see that people living in this community have the freedom to grow different kinds of vegetables and raise various domestic animals. What are common vegetables people like to grow there? What are some of the domestic animals that people like to raise?
We are putting in animal corals and the colonists have the right to raise animals for food or fiber or fun. Pets are always welcome without any type of pet deposits. Livestock is encouraged. They can raise chickens and poultry for meat and eggs. Cows, goats for meat, milk and fiber and pigs are welcomed as well. They can either have animals of their own or coop animals as a group. We thought when we started this that everyone would want to raise their own animals and do their own thing. We are learning that is not the case. Many people want help with animals cooped by the colony and shared. So even if you don’t know anything about raising animals or how to harvest meat or eggs we are all here to help each other. My wife and I have over 15 yrs experience with farm animals. So we are here to help.
As far as veggies. We are putting in what’s called solar pits. It’s like a half buried green house. You take a hole in the ground and put your green house in it so only the roof is exposed. It makes the green house cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter giving us a year round growning season. You can grow anything here (as long as its legal).
I see on your application that you are asking about people’s skills. If someone doesn’t have many skills, but is willing to learn and work hard, would you accept them?
Of course. We all have different skill sets and abilities. If you’re willing to learn that’s even better. One of the biggest things that people tell me is I can do anything but my spouse is disabled and not able to do construction. But that is not a problem. There are MANY ways to help,. It’s just finding a way that you can help within your abilities. We will make every accommodation to make you useful. But there are those that just do not want to find a place to help. For example I was on a phone call with a 50yr old woman on disability who wanted to move to the ranch. She told me she was not able to do construction. I was like that’s fine. Can you make sandwiches and lemonade for people that are working? OMG I don’t like to cook for myself let alone others so no. Ok…. What about watching kids? Would you be willing to babysit for people? I don’t like other peoples kids I raised my own and I don’t want to do that. Ok…. What about feeding and watering animals? I HATE animals and don’t want to be near them. Hmmmmm ook. What about gardening can you water plants and weed? I have allergies and don’t like being outside. I said well I know how badly you want to be here. What can you do to help out? Why can’t I just lease my cabin and stay to myself? Mmmmm well honestly I don’t think you will be happy here and this is not going to be a good fit. Her response was but why not? Because I believe with all my heart that everyone has something to contribute and you just don’t want to do anything to help others and that is not within our goals and what we want for our community. Everyone has something that they can do we just need to find it.
What is the camping experience like for people who just want to visit?
Camping is a primitive walk in tent camping. You come to the property and ask for a camping spot. If we have a spot available I will give you a copy of the rules and regulations for camping. You sign a camping agreement stating you know the rules and agree to pay the fee before you set up. You park your car and gather your stuff and walk in to your campsite. Fires are allowed in campfire rings only. Pets are welcome on a lease. Until we get the water lines installed and the shower house up and running. So until those are in you will need to bring a camping toilet and all the water you will need. It is true primitive camping. But in exchange for the short hike in you will get a complete starry sky. Horizon to horizon. No lights from the city to block any views. Mountains’ on 3 sides. Hawks flying over head. Humming birds darting in and out of the Mesquite trees. The sound of owls and coyotes at night. You can hike the entire 135 acres and see quail, javalinas (a type of small wild hog), bobcats and more.
If you want to come out for the day and not camp you’re welcome to do that as well. Come picnic and hike.
What is internet connectivity like there? (I would die without my internets!)
We have been in contact with a satellite internet company that offers truly unlimited sat internet. Most like wild blue or Hughes net offer internet but you cannot stream anything because you will run into overage fees. The company we are dealing with does NOT charge overage fees. They also are allowing us to connect several computers under one account. So we can network the computers and the cost will go down according to how many people are using the internet.
What is your vision for this community 5 years down the road?
Our end goal is to have 15 cabins for lease for residency. 10 cabins for retreats or vacations. 5 stall RV campgrounds and 10 primitive campsites. We want to have 5 solar pits, a community rec room and kitchen with outdoor kitchen, workshops for crafts, woodworking and library. A complete metaphysical center and 3 ritual areas.
What can outsiders do (like myself) to help the community flourish and grow?
You can support DMSC by either buying one of the various items that we make to support the colony and make improvements. We have bracelets, key chains, necklaces, kitchen witch items, T-shirts and more. Or you can make donations to the colony through PayPal or by sending Wal-Mart or Lowes gift cards or just a donation to our mail box. You can donate to pay for a bill like our radio advertising for money. We have several projects we need supplies for so can donate for those particular items we need. Just contact me directly and I can tell you what we need.
What is the biggest challenge this community currently faces?
The biggest challenge we face right now sense we are just starting out is paying our bills. We have a $900 a month land mortgage. We need to raise $1500 to get the water lines laid and installed. We have several thousand dollars in land clearing that has to be done still. We have to get the animal rescue facilities in as well. That’s about $3000 for the kennels and shelters for the dogs in rescue right now. The rescue animals alone cost over $300 a month just in food. All the money for this colony comes from my wife and I. I am on disability and my wife works. But like everyone else we struggle. But this is our mission in life and feel we are drawn to this purpose. We need people to help support this cause.
In your opinion, what is the best thing about living in this community?
The sense of extended family and approval. If I need something there is someone there I know I can call and count on. If I want or need to go somewhere I know someone is there to take care the animals and the house and I know everything is safe. You are not just leasing a cabin. This is a lifestyle. It’s a support network and a way to know you are never alone and the support is always there.
Thanks for your time and well thought out answers! I hope everything goes well in your community. In this world where people live such isolated lives (away from both the Earth and each other) it’s heartening to see people banding together to live closer with the land, and helping each other out. So for those of you who are interested in learning more, check out their website.
DESERT MOON SPIRITUAL CENTER HOME PAGE
Europe’s Last Pagan’s – The Mari El
An intriguing look into an ancient culture that is still around today. The Mari El people have protected their Pagan religion against both Christians and Soviets, and still carry out rituals today in sacred groves that are tied to the land.
The Shifting Religious Demographic and Politics
One interesting thing to consider, as the number of religious minorities grow, is the political reality.
According to The Wild Hunt, the number of “religiously unaffiliated” people is just as large as Evangelicals now.
For a long time the more conservative elements of politics have appealed to a Christian base.
Indeed, America is still a majority Christian country, so this seems like an effective strategy.
Yet from what I see, the number of Christians is decreasing, which drives the more conservative elements of the faith to become more fundamentalist. Therefore, conservative politicians can rely on a base of conservative Christians to vote for their policies. However, as the number of religious minorities grow, it will be interesting to see if this strategy shifts in the future.
Also, this post is not to say that all Pagans are liberal. There are some very, very right wing pagan beliefs out there. There are generally Pagans on both sides of the political spectrum. My purpose in linking to this article is to stimulate thought on how religious affiliation effects politics, and how a changing religious dynamic may effect politics in the future.
Is Paganism the Fastest Growing Religion in the United States?
Phillip Car-Gomm’s Home Page
For those of you interested in Druidry, you may want to check out the home page of Philip Carr-Gomm.
He is the current chief of The Order of Bards Ovates and Druids.
He also has several written works about Druidry, Spirituality and Psychology
Pagans in Prison
(Inmates performing a Druid Ritual: Source)
The number of Prisoners who identify as Pagans is growing, and many of these prisoners need adequate spiritual services that fit their path.
According to The Wild Hunt, around 2% of all prisoners are adherents to a Pagan or Earth based Nature Religion.
It is interesting that many prisoners have found their Pagan faith while in prison.
Also, according to OldenWilde.org, prisoners who convert to Wicca have a very low re-incarceration rate.
Now, many reading this might think, who cares abut services for prisoners, they broke the law – they should be punished!
However, we must keep in mind that the U.S. has a vast and growing prison complex. There are many people who are arrested for non-violent crimes such as prostitution or drug use. Drug use is a disease that should be treated with therapy, not jail. It has also been shown that therapy is more effective for treating people who abuse drugs, rather than jail time.
Attending to the spiritual needs of Pagan prisoners is important for giving them a Spiritual Path that can help prevent future crimes, and give them a sense of hope to better their lives. So check out the resources for Pagan Prisoners on this page:
(Source: Artwork From a Prisoner)
Religion in Prisons – A 50-State Survey of Prison Chaplains
What the New Pew Forum Survey Tells Us About Pagan Religions in U.S. Prisons (Patheos)
Culture and Community: The Complexity of Pagans in Prison (The Wild Hunt)
Wiccans in Prison (OldenWilde)
Pagan Prisoner Advocate’s Guide (Download)
Nepal Readies First Witchcraft Act to Protect Women
When many of us think about witchcraft trials today, we think of witch burnings in old Europe, or the Salem Witch trials.
Basically, we think such things are history.
Yet all over the world today, many women and children are still tortured and even killed over such accusations.
Accusations of witchcraft become a way in which people can take the land of a dead widow, or rid themselves of an extra mouth to feed.
Reasons aside, it’s a pretty barbaric and horrible practice. Glad Nepal is taking the steps to put an end to this.
Russian Republic Legalizes NeoPagan Siberian Religion
READ MORE ABOUT IT HERE ON THE WILD HUNT
Russia hasn’t been big in the news for tolerance lately. However, NeoPagans did receive a big victory in Russia recently with the legal recognition of “Aar Aiyy,” a NeoPagan revival of the Siberian shamanistic religion of Tengrism. Tengrism is the ancient religion of the Turkic-speaking population of Siberia – this includes the Turks, the Huns, Mongolians and Hungarians. “Aar Aiyy” means a “belief in a higher deity.” This belief holds that there is one supreme deity, but many spirit helpers and other divine beings.
The beliefs of Tengrism were suppressed when Russian Orthodox Christians came into the region in the 1600’s. When Siberia was under Soviet control, all religions were suppressed. Yet many of the folk traditions have survived and now the religion is beginning to develop in the open.
Adherents of Aar Aiyy had been working for 18 years to gain recognition, and have just won it this year. So, many congratulations for the practitioners of Aar Aiyy in Siberia!
TENNGER CALVARY – MONGOLIAN FOLK METAL
Haven’t posted much lately because life is crazy, but I’ll try to get better! Here is some humor to tide you over.
(Some late Mother’s Day humor for my Asatru and Heathen friends)
Sometimes we Pagans need to laugh at each other.
I recently found a brilliant Facebook Community that serves this need quite well.
Check out “Pagan Humor Because We Get It”
NOW ENJOY SOME PAGAN LIGHT BULB JOKES
From TryUsingScience On Reddit (Original Post)
How many Gardnerians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. The high priestess holds the bulb, and the world revolves around her.
How many Gardnerians does it take to change a light bulb?
Why do you want to know…initiate?
How many Alexandrians does it take to change a lighbulb?
I dunno, what are the Gardnerians saying?
How many Feri does it take to change a lightbulb?
Feri are perfectly at home in darkness.
How many Discordians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold a ladder and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored east german machine tools.
How many Dianic Wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb?
That’s not funny.
Alternate version that might only be funny if you’re aware of the whole transgender issue in Dianic Wicca:
How many Dianic Wiccans does it take to change a lighbulb?
The Goddess made the lightbulb that way and no amount of human intervention can change that.
How many Pan-Dianic Wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb?
We would never ask the lightbulb to change; we will accept it however it chooses to identify.
How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb?
. 501. One to change the bulb and 500 to align the new stone.
How many Frost “School of Wicca” Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
“Just you! That’s right, YOU! And for only $195 we’ll send you our complete “Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course” with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYwhere! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who…”
And finally, a whole lot of heathen ones.
How many Reconstructionist Heathens does it take to change a lightbulb? – None; if our ancestors managed without lightbulbs, so can we!
How many Fundamentalist Heathens does it take to change a lightbulb? – None; the light from the burning monastery is enough, thank you.
How many Scandinavian Heathens? – About a dozen. One holds the lightbulb and the others drink enough to make the room spin.
How many Lokeans? – Think twice. Do you really want a Lokean to handle your electricity?
Well, how many Lokeans? – answer is lost in the wailing of the firetruck siren
How many Theodish? – The whole tribe, but the performance will be lead according to custom by the Heogh Beolb Changere.
How many Folkish? – Just one, but it takes a while to find one with pure enough ancestry to be worthy to touch the lightbulb.
How many Universalists? – Lots. Each has got a differently sized bulb, and tries to make it fit.
How many Organized Heathens? – Seven. One to hold the Hammer Ritual and hallow the four walls, one to sing a galdr with Kenaz, one to perform Seidh on behalf of the deceased bulb´s spirit, one to write the newsletter report, and three to go off and found their own way of light-bulb changing.
How many Vanatru does it take to screw in a light-bulb? – “Screw is such a base word for Sacred Sexuality…” (Alternately, “As many as can fit.”)
How many Lore-Cracks? – Well, since Snorri didn´t mention lightbulbs, none were excavated and there´s no Old Norse word for it, I´m afraid we cannot say for certain whether lightbulb changing was an integral part of our ancestors´ faith.
How many Modernist Heathens? – I don´t know. Let´s call the electrician.
How many Homesteading Heathens? – “Now lightbulbs, you gotta plant them in spring…”
How many Odinists? – None. The death of the lightbulb is part of Odin´s plan for humankind. It will return from Hel after Ragnarok.
How many Soulmatrix Workers? – Just one. As the old lightbulb´s litr and önd seem to have gone out in a flash of odhr, he invokes the bulb´s disir and invites its fylga to settle into the new bulb according to wyrd, hopefully with better hamingja next time.
How many Seidhworkers? – A chorus of nine is chanting, while the Seidhworker accompanies the late bulb´s spirit to the Gate of Hel (hoping it will be reborn to its tribe later), then conveniently screws the new bulb in from her High Seat under the socket.
How many RuneVitkis? – One, but it´s really hard to scratch runes on the glass.
Large Viking Burial Site Found in Uppsala
One of the largest excavations ever made in Uppsala
YOU TUBE VIDEO COMMENTARY
(All information below is written by original YouTube Poster, not me. I simply cleaned up some of the grammar and spelling)
The Pillars of old Uppsala 800 BC – 600 AD:
In October 2013, Swedish archaeologists revealed that they had found a 900 meter long wooden pillar column near the royal burial ground. In February 2014, they found the oldest samples from the wooden pillars – the oldest ones were 2800 years old!
So the wooden pillars were erected and in use during a time period of at least 1400 years.
Experts believe the pillars would have been at least around 7-8 m high and needed around 1,5 ton of rock to support them. Also a smaller wooden column of over 500 meters long has been found south of this column but hasn’t yet been totally excavated.
The colonnades were found near a famous burial site where the three Iron Age kings Aun, Egil and Adils are believed to be buried.
In Ynglinga saga, Odin is considered the 2nd Mythological king of Sweden, succeeding Gylfi and was succeeded by Njörðr.
These ancient colonnades were found in the center of Old Uppsala during work on a new railway line. It’s the largest excavation ever made in Uppsala.