Pagan Humor

Haven’t posted much lately because life is crazy, but I’ll try to get better! Here is some humor to tide you over. 



(Some late Mother’s Day humor for my Asatru and Heathen friends)

Sometimes we Pagans need to laugh at each other.

I recently found a brilliant Facebook Community that serves this need quite well.

Check out “Pagan Humor Because We Get It”


From TryUsingScience On Reddit (Original Post)

How many Gardnerians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. The high priestess holds the bulb, and the world revolves around her.


How many Gardnerians does it take to change a light bulb?

Why do you want to know…initiate?


How many Alexandrians does it take to change a lighbulb?

I dunno, what are the Gardnerians saying?


How many Feri does it take to change a lightbulb?

Feri are perfectly at home in darkness.


How many Discordians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold a ladder and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored east german machine tools.


How many Dianic Wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb?

That’s not funny.


Alternate version that might only be funny if you’re aware of the whole transgender issue in Dianic Wicca:

How many Dianic Wiccans does it take to change a lighbulb?

The Goddess made the lightbulb that way and no amount of human intervention can change that.


How many Pan-Dianic Wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb?

We would never ask the lightbulb to change; we will accept it however it chooses to identify.


How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb?

. 501. One to change the bulb and 500 to align the new stone.


How many Frost “School of Wicca” Witches does it take to change a light bulb?

“Just you! That’s right, YOU! And for only $195 we’ll send you our complete “Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course” with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYwhere! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who…”


And finally, a whole lot of heathen ones.

How many Reconstructionist Heathens does it take to change a lightbulb? – None; if our ancestors managed without lightbulbs, so can we!


How many Fundamentalist Heathens does it take to change a lightbulb? – None; the light from the burning monastery is enough, thank you.


How many Scandinavian Heathens? – About a dozen. One holds the lightbulb and the others drink enough to make the room spin.


How many Lokeans? – Think twice. Do you really want a Lokean to handle your electricity?


Well, how many Lokeans? – answer is lost in the wailing of the firetruck siren


How many Theodish? – The whole tribe, but the performance will be lead according to custom by the Heogh Beolb Changere.


How many Folkish? – Just one, but it takes a while to find one with pure enough ancestry to be worthy to touch the lightbulb.


How many Universalists? – Lots. Each has got a differently sized bulb, and tries to make it fit.


How many Organized Heathens? – Seven. One to hold the Hammer Ritual and hallow the four walls, one to sing a galdr with Kenaz, one to perform Seidh on behalf of the deceased bulb´s spirit, one to write the newsletter report, and three to go off and found their own way of light-bulb changing.


How many Vanatru does it take to screw in a light-bulb? – “Screw is such a base word for Sacred Sexuality…” (Alternately, “As many as can fit.”)


How many Lore-Cracks? – Well, since Snorri didn´t mention lightbulbs, none were excavated and there´s no Old Norse word for it, I´m afraid we cannot say for certain whether lightbulb changing was an integral part of our ancestors´ faith.


How many Modernist Heathens? – I don´t know. Let´s call the electrician.


How many Homesteading Heathens? – “Now lightbulbs, you gotta plant them in spring…”


How many Odinists? – None. The death of the lightbulb is part of Odin´s plan for humankind. It will return from Hel after Ragnarok.


How many Soulmatrix Workers? – Just one. As the old lightbulb´s litr and önd seem to have gone out in a flash of odhr, he invokes the bulb´s disir and invites its fylga to settle into the new bulb according to wyrd, hopefully with better hamingja next time.


How many Seidhworkers? – A chorus of nine is chanting, while the Seidhworker accompanies the late bulb´s spirit to the Gate of Hel (hoping it will be reborn to its tribe later), then conveniently screws the new bulb in from her High Seat under the socket.


How many RuneVitkis? – One, but it´s really hard to scratch runes on the glass.

One response

  1. Loki (from the Thor movies?) and a colt??? Who is suppose to be the mother?

    May 15, 2014 at 4:48 pm

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